Friends Don't Let Friends Use Friends

I hear Wal-Mart doesn’t usually let things...

Sat, 21 Jul 2012 23:32:00 -0400

I hear Wal-Mart doesn’t usually let things “deepen” til the third senior management play-date.

I haven’t focused on gadget blogs thus far — their rapid...

Mon, 09 Jul 2012 19:52:00 -0400

I haven’t focused on gadget blogs thus far — their rapid rate of posting, combined with their desire to come across as playful and edgy yields more terrible Facebook puns and non sequiturs than this site can handle.

But these two posts were published within 59 minutes of each other. A low point, even for them.

That said, I do like the word donnybrook.

And here we have our first international — and print —...

Fri, 22 Jun 2012 17:09:00 -0400

And here we have our first international — and print — submission. Thanks to Ingrid for reminding us that the scourge of terrible puns can be contained by neither large oceans nor international boundaries. Vous me décevez, France.

In other news I hear the Samwer brothers are currently working on a version of this site called Freunde lassen nicht Freunde verwenden Freunde in Facebook Schlagzeilen. Bring it.

After years of shitty iJokes, you’d think that Apple of...

Mon, 11 Jun 2012 15:37:00 -0400

After years of shitty iJokes, you’d think that Apple of all companies would be averse to terrible puns. But nope. As several readers have pointed out, they actually beat reporters to the punch by dropping this Like-bomb and a ‘status update’ crack on their own marketing pages.

I taste bile.

And we officially have the creepiest terrible Facebook pun in...

Fri, 08 Jun 2012 20:07:19 -0400

And we officially have the creepiest terrible Facebook pun in recent memory, compliments of Wired.

Given that this Facebook-for-kids thing is going to receive a shit-ton of coverage both before and after Facebook launches it, it’s probably best if we all start preemptively cringing now. It’s only going to get worse.

MG Siegler is a friend and long-time former colleague, so this...

Fri, 01 Jun 2012 19:27:00 -0400

MG Siegler is a friend and long-time former colleague, so this one pains me — especially since he knows full well about this site’s mission and is obviously hoping to get featured here as part of his never-ending quest for page views. Nice scoop, though.

Incidentally, I scribble with red ink on all of MG’s Apple articles.

This headline implies that Pokes are somehow a bad thing, which...

Thu, 31 May 2012 13:58:43 -0400

This headline implies that Pokes are somehow a bad thing, which is bullshit. Facebook itself doesn’t show them nearly enough love, but I’m still a big fan, so they get a heart.

This article sets a new record: three Facebook puns in a mere...

Thu, 31 May 2012 13:52:00 -0400

This article sets a new record: three Facebook puns in a mere thirty-three words.

It also brings up an important issue. Regular readers will note that a previous article actually managed three cringe-inducing puns in a mere twenty-one words. However, that story abuses the word “Like” as two of its three puns — while the one above mangles three different cliches with no repeats, so it clinches the title. For now.

A Mission Renewed

Wed, 30 May 2012 17:34:00 -0400

Talk about a rough couple of weeks.

No, not the stock price. The headlines.

Tasked with covering the biggest technology IPO in history, the world’s finest reporters banded together to wield the same cheesy puns they (err, I suppose I should say, we) spent the last half decade repeating ad nauseum, apparently oblivious to the fact that they were never funny in the first place.

It’s time to remind them that they’re better than this — which is why this site will start seeing more regular updates. Also, because I like scribbling on news articles and have a bit of free time on my hands.

Remember, you can submit any new offenders to TerriblePuns@Gmail.com — bonus points if you get a snapshot of the print edition.

Oh, and click the logo.

Sigh

Wed, 30 May 2012 17:24:13 -0400

Sigh

A future mainstream media reporter in the making.

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 15:45:00 -0500

A future mainstream media reporter in the making.

The Warriors got rid of their mascot Thunder a few years back....

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 11:27:13 -0400

The Warriors got rid of their mascot Thunder a few years back. BUT HE’S COMING OUT OF RETIREMENT TO STAB BAD PUNS WITH FIERY FURY.

Special thanks to depressed Wall Street broker for the eye-laser...

Mon, 08 Aug 2011 11:31:46 -0400

Special thanks to depressed Wall Street broker for the eye-laser assist.

Thanks to Andy Brett for the tip

Photo

Thu, 23 Jun 2011 15:47:46 -0400

As if the headline weren’t offensive enough, you just had...

Fri, 29 Apr 2011 10:18:00 -0400

As if the headline weren’t offensive enough, you just had to pull the relationship card in the first line.

“whoever passes for credentialed media these days.”...

Thu, 28 Apr 2011 12:50:00 -0400

“whoever passes for credentialed media these days.” Seriously.

Time taken to think up this headline: three seconds.

Thu, 28 Apr 2011 12:42:00 -0400

Time taken to think up this headline: three seconds.

You’re better than this, Milian. At least you used scare...

Thu, 28 Apr 2011 12:38:00 -0400

You’re better than this, Milian. At least you used scare quotes.

This has gone on for far too long. Our industry is crying out for a solution. This probably...

Thu, 28 Apr 2011 12:36:00 -0400

This has gone on for far too long. Our industry is crying out for a solution. This probably isn’t it.

ONWARD.